Thursday, July 08, 2004

Graham Crackers in 2004

I have such magical memories of riding in the car with my mother when I was about six or seven years old. Of course I was in the back in case one of those straps securing the five tons of bananas on the back of a tractor trailer were to be disconnected from the trailer due to human error, I would not be impaled by a phallic-looking fruit. However I am thankful for my mother's protectiveness because sitting in the back gave me the chance to get an unobstructed view of my surroundings.

This unobstructed view spawned a plethora of childhood questions. Why is that man wearing his underwear outside his pants? What do the clouds taste like? Does it hurt to jump from those skcyscrapers? Is roadkill a leftist conspiracy to expose the fundamental flaws of our capitalist system and get Nader in the White House?

Anyhow, the other day I found myself riding in the back seat of my friend's car and for a few seconds I was smitten* with an overwhelming sense of innocence. Thats when I first conceived the idea of the Graham Cracker Party. I know graham crackers sound pretty pussy but trust me, its got elephantiasis balls, real big. The party, with colors pink and lavender, runs on a completely Idealistic platform. We dont say, "lets bomb this country," we say "lets bake pot brownies and send them over." We give steaks out to homeless people and beat the shit out of greedy businessmen with their own suitcases. Other plans include building an underwater city and sewing a srotum holder in men's pants so you dont have to wear underwear.

*extra points for the biblical reference

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